Saturday, May 5, 2007

Short, random blah.

Things of mine to see:

---

Ugh! I feel sick. I ate one of those big, hyooge blizzard things from DQ. I shouldn't have, but I couldn't resist the temptation.

I still need to style-ize this place, huh? Sorry. I know I procrastinate a lot.

I want a Mac so bad. They not only look pretty, but they work! GASP!

:( Now I have a headache. I hate headaches. I hope it goes away soon.

Comments (1) | Permalink

Friday, May 4, 2007

Unhappy wolfy again.

Things of mine to see:

---

Yes, I feel fairly unhappy again. I felt this way since homeroom today, where I wrote something that someone would probably kill me for.

Now let us skip right up to just a few hours ago: when I was coming home from Piano lessons. My dad tells me he thinks that I lack sincerity in my endeavor to learn the instrument, but in reality I just suck. This made me mad, but to hide it, I bit the corners of my lips. I almost bled. He made me want to physically shift so much more than any other time in recent memory. He made me so pissed he cannot know. Needless to say, we didn't speak the rest of the car ride.

Then I just think that I "suffer" from manic-depressive disorder. Did you notice how I went from crazy-happy to depressed and back in such little time? It keeps cycling like this. I think that it will continue like this forever. I don't want to see a shrink because I fear what my brother had to go through, though he had clinical depression. I did not like the idea of psychiatrists since my brother's--I lose the word--ordeal.

So what did I write? I knew you'd want to know. (If you don't, get over it.) I wrote... *hesitates* I'll say it only if you promise not to get mad at me or anything like that... I wrote a suicide note. Yes, you read that right. I will probably never need it, but I possess it. Should I take my exit from the world, I will leave reasons why. I can almost always justify what I do.

Well, I shall leave now. No one knows what this wolf will do, but he needs to migrate toward bed so he can claim "he sleeps."

Oh, and for anyone up for a challenge: Analyze the structure of this post's grammar. If you can tell me what every single sentence lacks, make a comment unearthing it. If you can find the name (or know the name) of this structural quirk, you know much about the English language.

*howls*

Comments (2) | Permalink

Thursday, May 3, 2007

"Somehow now you're everybody's fool."

Things of mine to see:

---

That's Evanescence there. Song's called "Everybody's Fool". In case you can't guess, I love Evanescence.

Another day, another fragment of a high school credit. I can't wait until school gets out. Except then I have to pay and take a large test they call the "A+ Certification Exam". Ugh. I have a feeling I won't do so good.

I got the printer fixed, so I can now work on my writing at school. I got to the point where I was writing exclusively on the computer because I couldn't print and take that part to school and my memory is so bad that I would forget what I wrote in the part that wasn't on paper in front of me. So now I can print the story as I type it. I still need to work on my sixth chapter. I got to the point where I don't feel like writing it anymore and I don't want to type what I have written. I may edit chapter 5 and totally remove it if I don't get my interest in it back.

In other news of writing, I got an essay back today in English class. I was surprised at my grade. I got a 96%! I can't believe it! For once my teacher had something positive written in the comments! She said my approach was very mature. The only comment I'd gotten last year was "this style of writing is inappropriate for this topic." I hated my english teacher so much last year. She made me look like an ass in front of my parents because I refused to turn in assignments that I did. I hate her.

I'm being forced to use a ball mouse the size of a baby's foot. If you move it too fast, the rollers slip and the mouse keeps going and going. It's annoying.

Well, I'm starting to get tired already. I'm going to write a bit and head off for bed.

*howls*
EDIT: for some reason it feels like I'm wearing a collar, but I'm not. It's very awkward. I don't like it.

Comments (0) | Permalink

Wednesday, May 2, 2007

Yet another day.

Things of mine to see:

---

Today was so uneventful I don't know why I bothered posting this.

I'm probably going to start working on making this site a little less default. I'd like to totally make it something different, but last time I tried this it didn't work. I'll see what I can pull off. Manipulating pre-designed webpages isn't the easiest thing in the world.

Apple Computers called me yesterday. The machine took a message. I listened and was tempted to call the representative back and tell her I'd be interested in buying their products if someone else was paying! I can't afford a nearly $4,000 computer and accessories. Not yet, anyways. I badly want to get a Mac. I just can't afford to spend thousands of dollars on a computer. :(

I can't wait until I can quit my paper route. I get paid as much in a month as most people working part time make in a day or two. I'm hoping I can get a job putting my classes I took to work. I took computer repair classes in hopes I can work in that field until I graduate college and then either do network administration or something nerdy like that. I need to start applying at places and asking around to see where I can get a job. There's a place up by my school, but I don't know if they're hiring or not.

Before I go trying to get a job, I need to cut my hair. It's getting pretty long. My last haircut was last year. My hair doesn't grow too terribly fast, since it's only about 6" long now and it was about 1.5" - 2" after my last haircut. I don't really want to get a haircut because I don't like that I don't know the people that are cutting my hair and they talk to me. I'm a very... thought out, I guess... wolf. I tend to like to observe things before doing anything. That's why I usually don't meet very many new people...

Anyways, I think I've blabbered enough. I'm going to write a bit and then see about working with this site's look.

*howls*

Comments (0) | Permalink

Tuesday, May 1, 2007

*growls at parents*

Things of mine to see:

---

They're forcing me to either start going to bed at a reasonable hour or they'll force me to take the computer out of my room. It sucks because I only get to use the computer at night. They act like I'm doing bad things on it or something, but I'm not. I'm usually either writing or doing stupid shit like the little video player linky thing above. I know, it's pointless, but I put it there. It doesn't even load the video unless you click the link and say you want to watch it. That saves anyone on dialup loading time and the record company bandwidth. (since I can't download it, I'm hot-linking)

So yeah. Apparently I'm supposed to let my very minimal amount of creativity die in a corner so I can wake up at 6 in the morning and do only things that I'm forced to do. That would mean my story would be completely lost....

Well, before I got on the computer, I had an idea for a new poem-ish thing, but I lost it in transit.

I think I'm going to go post on my other profiles so people don't think I'm dead or something.

*howls*

Comments (1) | Permalink

Monday, April 30, 2007

Oops.

Things of mine to see:

---

Well, so much for posting every day. I think I kinda lost about two of them there. Oops.

I woke up this morning to my computer upstairs making the Windows Live Messenger "new message received" sound every half of a second. I've been keeping myself online from there and appearing as away, and someone who usually asks "hu r u?" added me to a conversation with about 8 participants. They kept sending messages. At least since they're in the UK, they won't be bothering me in the middle of the nacht (sorry, I had a typo and it was easier to turn it into nacht. I study Spanish, not German.) or before I go to school.

Today was my mom's birthday. We didn't get a cake until last minute, so I had to write the message on it. And, being the dork I am, I messed it up. I ended up writing "Happy Birtday" because I was paying more attention to trying to get the writing to look nice than I was to what I was writing. The gel stuff was gooping up and didn't come out of the tube right. We ate it before I got to take a picture, so I can't show you how bad it looked.

My brother, his wife, and my niece came over to visit us again. For once, I didn't have to watch the little bugger as she forces me to go up and down the stairs fifty times because she wants more books that I'll have to put away later. This time, I got to sit down and eat dinner for once. My sister and father both shared the little 'un chasing duty. They left maybe an hour from when I write this. (Well, maybe an hour and a half, it's about 11.)

I typed some more of the story of Kayleen Nytoru. I think as soon as I can make chapter 6 meet into the new chapter 7, I'll submit both of them to the little site thing I have running for my writing at this address, which gives away my identity if you pay any attention at all. I should have thought that the fact I mention Kayleen would be a giveaway, but maybe not. Either that or no one is trying to figure out who the hell I am.

But whatever. I'm going to finish typing things so I can go to bed.

*howls*
(Lo siento, yo estaba aburrido.)
[I'm sorry, I was bored.]

Comments (1) | Permalink

Thursday, April 26, 2007

Writing of the week: Make-Believe (Personal)

Things of mine to see:

---

Just for today,
let's pretend
that you can
think I'm normal.

Just for a moment,
let's pretend
that I belong.

Just for a moment,
let's pretend
that I can
even act normal.

If only for 15 seconds,
I want to be me.
If only for 15 seconds,
I want to belong.
If only for 15 seconds,
I want to be normal.

Let's play make-believe.

---

NOT PART OF POEM:

To belong, you must believe you belong. To be normal, you must believe you are normal. To believe something, it must be true. For something to be true, it must be proven. Show me proof.

Comments (0) | Permalink

Wednesday, April 25, 2007

This could very well be the end.

Things of mine to see:

---

Fuck life and screw everyone. That's what kind of mood I'm in right now. Why? I'm depressed again. Yes. Again.

But what sucks is that what makes me depressed is the little stupid shit. Because it's such stupid reasons, it makes me feel like a dumbshit to say I'm depressed, but to be honest, I'm fed up.

One thing that makes me feel this way is the amount of stress I'm under. I'm expected to work miracles of multi-taking and quality in almost every class as well as doing my entire paper route on time and completely correct. How the hell am I supposed to do all this? My paper route will take me about an hour and a half and my homework will keep me up until 02:00! This all compacts the other problems I'm having right now.

The other major thing screwing with my mind is my mind itself. I had a dream last night. It was nice that I finally dreamed, but it's not what I dreamed of. Here's how the dream went.

Missing part due to bad memory... Someone I know (I can't remember who) takes me to a particularly strange shrink who works with groups of two. She tells this other kid who's there that he is a lion and somehow he disappears. (I don't know how he left, but he did.) Then she turns attention to me and starts listing that which I call my problems. She slaps a label of "Crazy" on me and prescribed drugs. At the end of the dream, I die from the drug because I'm not crazy.

So that's how the dream went. It's not at all cool because I know that I'm not crazy. I know I'm not, and several others know that too, though I think they doubt it quite often...

I don't know. If this will be my final words I ever write, so be it and I will leave this on my computer as I end this torture, but if it is not then it is a hopefully a stepping stone to better things and a painful reminder that life does still indeed suck, even if for stupid reasons.

I think I'm going to go work and sulk in that corner instead of this one. :(

Comments (0) | Permalink

Tuesday, April 24, 2007

Again.

Things of mine to see:

---

Yet again I shall make an attempt to post every day. Even if I have only had two visitors.

I managed to write some in homeroom today. I wrote just about two pages over the whole day. This was written from a prompt, which I surprised myself in seeking, because usually prompts only come as English assignments, which I don't like to do.

I have to go fishing tomorrow in gym class. I'd rather be running or walking, personally. I hate fish and the process of fishing. Fish don't taste good, so I don't like them, since they're commonly eaten. I must make some fish very happy.

I'm the only writer and wolf I know who is failing a predominantly-writing-based English class.

Well, I'm off to type what I wrote today. Maybe that will be my posting of the week. You know, the story of Kayleen and Tobias. (Hint-hint...)

*howls*

Comments (0) | Permalink

Monday, April 23, 2007

Things of mine to see:

---

In attempt to post every day this blog is up, I shall make a post this Monday evening. What about, I don't know exactly.

Hmm... Well, there's what I wrote today in school. I wrote a two and a half page "rant" I'll call it, that deals with the fact that I am a wolf and I'm not happy that I'm not in a wolf's body. I managed to stretch something that could probably be said in one sentence into hundreds. I also enjoy now looking at it and watching the handwriting get worse and worse as I wrote it faster and faster. I might scan it so we can see how bad the writing got compared to how it started out. I probably won't scan it and post it in its entirety because it's just me being an emo wolf. (Call it what you may. I think I'm Manic Depressive in some ways.)

Well, It's only 20:30 here yet I'm already tired and I will be off to bed. So... g'night!
*howls because it feels good*

Comments (0) | Permalink